The Great Freezer Unplug, Menopause and Other Messy Thawing.

Resurfacing of Trauma during Turbulent Times

Nov 18, 2024

During times of turbulence, you might notice this in yourself or others :
The resurfacing of old wounds or past traumas.

Why do unhealed feelings like grief, pain, and loss come back during turbulent times?

This often happens around big transitions, like menopause for instance, when our body goes through a massive re-wiring or our environment goes through a major shift, it’s as if things we once buried or set aside start to rise up, asking to be seen and healed.

Why now?

Many times, we tuck away painful memories as a way to protect ourselves, especially when we’re not ready to face them head-on. But during turbulent times, it’s like an emotional “freezer” has been unplugged, allowing long-buried feelings to thaw and come to the surface.

And like any unplanned freezer defrost this is can be messy.

My nervous system at the moment…

Like some of you, I have found my nervous system to be more activated than usual. Many of us—especially women—are feeling a renewed need for resilience and grounding. For many the concern is tied to a fear of public policy changes that involve control over bodily autonomy. This is huge … So much more to say here and there are many others better positioned to eloquently speak about this and how we might move forward effectively in our individual lives and as a collective.

Hope and disappointment rollercoaster.

Personally, I had also hoped to see a historic first of a Black South Asian American female leader take the stage, imagining how that might uplift the visibility of midlife and older women (something I recently wrote about in Katie Couric Media ). I was invigorated at the thought of what such a “win” could do for younger generations, how it might inspire them to see new possibilities for their future beyond the confines of race or sex.

My issue with neutrality. “Equanimity” is not indifference.

While equanimity might appear neutral, it doesn’t imply emotional detachment or apathy. Instead, it’s an active presence and acceptance of what is, without being overwhelmed or reactive.

Neutrality, in a cold or detached sense, lacks the mindfulness and compassion that are core to many spiritual teachings about equanimity.

My mind clearly knows that it is not advantageous, enlightened or effective to be riled up at this time. Nor for any prolonged period of time for that matter. And there are many people speaking powerfully on what is really “needed” for us to not lose our overwhelmed minds. (Marianne Williamson is one steady solid guide for me).

As a Canadian midlife+ woman, I feel deeply connected to what happens in the U.S.—we're close neighbours, and there's a shared empathy and impact that resonates across borders, affecting us politically and culturally.

Bless your heart, lovely Canadians.

Many Canadians pride themselves on being considered a peaceful, kind, and supportive country. We enjoy being considered a smaller, politer civil social-safety netted nation, like those of Scandinavia with their cozy, contented mood evoked by hygge--O’ the comfort and conviviality. It’s a sweet vision, bless our hearts (and egos).

I recently sat in person with an incredible fellow writer and US physician, Amber Hull,

Under the White Coat

. She was sharing how much she enjoyed her visits to Vancouver and remarked on some positive differences she experienced being here. I am happy to be living here and generally feel safe too. While I grant that we might be quite public-good- minded and cautious (if one can stereotype a collective psychic constitution) — make no mistake, our citizenry’s mindset is not as uniformly progressive and pure as our driven snow.

The myth of immunity.

Canadians are not immune from divisive strategies and fear-based politics. We are just as much at risk of electing a prime minister who turns back the clock on our ”generous” social policies as we are also capable of choosing someone who commits to evolving forward to a more equitable society. When I say equitable society I’m not envisioning something radical- just a place where working parents wouldn’t have to feed their children cereal for dinner and eldercare falls through the cracks unless it’s solely on the backs of unpaid+ unsupported daughters, wives or poorly paid and depleted caregivers. And where a woman’s right to retain control of her bodily autonomy is constitutionally protected, period.

What is dormant wakes up.

This realization stirs something dormant within me—and has risen through my own menopause journey--a call to action for creating a more equitable world.
I know I can’t just sit back passively, rest on my laurels as they say and hope things will change on their own. I’ve had a strong feeling that it’s time for me to put theory into practice, to become actively engaged in creating the future I want.
And yet, as Tricia Hersey reminds me, in her transformative framework and book of the same name: Rest is Resistance, there are also times when rest on my laurels I must.

True rest and deep self-care are essential for resilience. They are requirements for us to take grounded, meaningful action.

So I’m learning to balance both myself—the drive to act with the wisdom to rest and reset.

So first to rest and resilience.

No matter the election's direction, this autumn season is a transition time of year where we are more vulnerable to colds, flus and fatigue.

The changes of season, entering into the darker, colder time of the year, just after daylight savings and pre-US Thanksgiving the intense holiday season ahead, all these elements can put a lot of pressure on the most resilient of systems so it’s important to fortify ourselves with grounding practices. I wrote about that in a recent article a week ago. But there is more that I wanted to share so I’d like to do that here.

During periods of significant change, you or others might observe old wounds or unresolved emotions—like grief, pain, or loss—resurfacing.

Why does this happen? Big life transitions, and turbulent times such as

an unacknowledged rite of passage + massive systemic physiological sea-change like menopause,
major political events,
global pandemics,
deaths of loved ones,
and losses and dramatic events of all kinds )

All of these act as catalysts, prompting the body and mind to undergo profound reorganization. This rewiring or disruption can unearth feelings we thought were buried, signalling that they need attention and healing.

For me the best analogy is that an emotional “freezer” has been unplugged, allowing long-buried feelings to thaw and come to the surface.

And like any unplanned defrost this is messy.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, you may need to take it it all more slowly—no need to throw this frozen block of chili in the microwave— you can process these emotions one small step at a time.

The concept of “titration” is helpful here.

Titrating means approaching “healing” in small doses, with breaks to integrate.

Trauma recovery is a journey, not a quick fix.

Practices like somatic therapy, Internal Family Systems, and working with a skilled therapist can be incredibly supportive along the way. I have been working with a somatic experiencing therapist for the last 14 years. In that time life never stopped life-ing (as I detailed in my last post!) I experienced profound transitions and turbulence and it’s been one of the things that allowed me to find some internal ground when there wasn’t anything solid under my feet.

“She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.”

― Terri St. Cloud

And JOY?!

There was a lot of discussion around JOY in Kamala’s campaign. I think this an important emotion for our health that shouldn’t be pushed aside in these times.

Joy is something that I have to allow for and cultivate daily intentionally.

I think it’s what keeps us “keeping on” and nourishes us for the long haul.

Are you in touch with what brings you Joy?

Reading Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart is a great place to begin.

Many people of colour have developed embodied strategies for both feeling and healing while living within systems that have historically marginalized them. We can learn a great deal from these teachers and their approaches to build connection and engage with heartfelt courage in own lives. Author and embodiment teacher, Prentis Hemphill, known for their work on healing and transformation wrote: What It Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Heal the World, [June, 2024] offering profound insights on embodiment and the link between personal well-being and social change. Additionally, Kaira Jewel Lingo’s We Were Made for These Times [November, 2021] provides lessons on mindfulness and embodiment in navigating disruption—skills particularly vital during this turbulent period. By consciously cultivating joy and embodying it in our daily lives, we nourish ourselves for the long haul, keeping our spirit alive and strong even in challenging times.

I often talk about the need for deeper practices of self-care (as I did in this recent article )

However, that doesn’t mean we can’t use acute “first aid” when the immediate need for simple “spirit- assist” arises!

Unexpected and painful periods of “defrost” do require some acute care.

My next post is about these simple tips and tools I have ready for these messy and disruptive times. By all means, if your freezer is suddenly surrounded by a sea of sludgey water, melted soup and stew, you ought to rush in with rags to prevent the surrounding area from further damage.

The purpose of my first-aid tools is to bring calm to my mind—whether it's overwhelmed, thawing from numbness, upset, or activated—and to offer comfort to my tender, or broken in need of soothing heart.

In my experience, if my mind and heart are tended to, rather than ignored, suppressed or otherwise spiritually bypassed, I am then better equipped to deal with reality as it. I know that “mindset” matters, but as important to me (or maybe even more!) is when my heart gets acknowledged too. Mental understanding is only one part. And it’s all the parts and the wholeness that I long to unite in myself just as much as I desire to see more unity and less separation in the world around me.

First I need to connect with and intimately know the of messy contents of my heart (my longings, preferences, desires, aversions). So yes to be honest, very strong “aversions” came up big time for me this past week!

And I need to experience and feel these to attune to my heart’s wisdom so that I can later —-when the time is right— act in an empowered way.

For me, knowing all my preferences, desires and aversions is the foundation to being able to set appropriate boundaries in the first place. With this insight, I feel more able to tolerate whatever messy thawing takes place in the midst of a day, middle of my life /menopause, or at the end of this wild year of some turbulent times.

I am not interested so much in what I do with my hands or words as what I do with my heart.

I want to live from the inside out, not from the outside in.

--Hugh Prather

Are you experiencing some unexpected defrost of something previously packed the deep freeze?

Do you have some tools in your first aid kit?

Have you found ways to unite your mind-set and heart-set?

I’d love to hear from you.